Through the Grapevine
by Michael Shimek
Have you heard about the new winery
down in Pondsdale? You know, the one that opened last year. You haven’t? Oh,
my. Well, then you must visit! I, personally, have not yet had the chance to
visit the fine establishment, but many who have stopped by never stop raving
about the family-run business.
Their
tours are amazing!
They
serve and distribute only the best!
Nothing
but high quality!
And then, of course, there are the
wildly positive reviews made from some of the harshest wine critics. Wine Quarterly gave it five out of five
stars--only the fourth time to happen in their twenty years of publication.
Senior editor Mary Anderson from VINO
called the winery the “next big thing to enter the market.” Even French wine
critic Jean-Pierre Dubois--notoriously known for striking down popular and
high-end winemakers--named Chateau Bonvilia as the best new winery in America.
News stations from California to New York have run stories, and any A-list
celebrity who really matters in Hollywood has been tagged by the paparazzi
inside sipping the delicious varieties of ambrosia.
Though I’ve never been, I have had the
fortunate opportunity to try a few of their delectable bottles, and let me tell
you, it really is nectar for the gods. The sweet liquid on your tongue’s taste
buds is like heaven in your mouth. A blissful daydream that takes you away to
wherever your heart desires. And the varieties! My favorite so far is the
Chateau Flower, a blend “as sweet as a rose.” I have yet to try them all, but I
will. Oh, I will. A visit for one of their tours is a must. Not only is the
gorgeous land breathtaking, a specialty wine is made only available at the end
of these most-talked about tours. So, if you’re a connoisseur dedicated to
tasting them all, then you need to make an appointment ASAP, because spots are
filling up months in advance.
What was that, you say? You’ve heard
about the tours? Then you must have heard the fantastic reviews! Oh, you’re
talking about the rumors that have been spreading. Forget about those tales of
speculation and gossip, they are false and baseless! No, no, there haven’t been
any reports of people missing days after visiting the winery. And, no, drinking
their wine will not cause you to sprout leaves of green--I hope I am speaking
to someone intelligent enough to know a person cannot bud the berry from their
body. Again, those are fabricated--not to mention insanely half-baked--reports sent out to smear the good name of the
Bonvilia family and their succulent wine. It is absurd to think such a fine
establishment would be involved in such a secret and preposterous conspiracy. I
can assure you, everything at the Chateau is on the up-and-up.
How do I know this for a fact? Do I
work for them? Of course not! I’m just an aficionado of the fermented grape
drink. In fact, I have a little sample bottle right here in my bag. Would you
care for a sip?
End
