How to Wake a Sleeping Giant

How to Wake a Sleeping Giant

by Michael Shimek

To those concerned about giants,

By no means am I a giant expert; I am merely the best at what I do. The following will help those brave enough to confront the gentle, mountainous creatures.

DISCLAIMER: There are many ways to wake a sleeping giant. This might not be the safest, but it is the fastest.

How to Wake a Sleeping Giant

Step 1: First, you need to find a giant—a task much harder than you would think. Because giants are considered a rarity, finding one can sometimes be difficult. Look for the signs. Is a loud, rumbling sound waking you and disturbing the wildlife? Are there new creeks and streams made of mucky, yucky, gooey water? Then you have a sleeping giant nearby, and most likely a drooling one (which they so often do). Track down the snoring, and follow the new waterways to find the source of your titan. For some reason, as large as they are, giants are considerably hard to see unless one is towering directly over you. Once you do find the giant, good; the hardest part is already done.

Step 2: Walk around the giant until you come across Giganticus lotus. The vibrant, white flower, almost said to be glowing, will pop up anywhere the giant touches. Nonexistent in our realm, the otherworldly herb acts as a powerful stimulant to arouse any dozing colossus. Look everywhere! They will grow on anything and everything, but only a single flower will sprout. If you cannot find the flower, wait 10-15 minutes—your giant is freshly asleep, and the mystical plant needs time to grow and blossom. Pluck the flower from whatever surface you find it on, and then crush and grind the white petals with a pinch of sugar (giants are known for their sweet tooth).

Step 3: After locating the magical behemoth and its flowering counterpart, climb aboard with your awakening powder. Usually, a giant will find rest against trees, rocks and boulders, or even sometimes a house. If you find yours in the middle of a field with nothing around, do not fret; the soft and mushy skin of a giant is very pliable and can be fashioned into steps or footholds to climb. Take hold somewhere near the head, if possible, for that is your destination.

CAUTION: Although a sleeping giant is hard to wake, they still move and shuffle about like a normal, sleeping human. Be careful! A moving hand could easily squash an unprepared person.

Step 4: Find the mouth, but make sure to keep a safe distance. Giants do not enjoy the taste of people, but accidentally falling in would still make a satisfying snack. Toss in the powder, and wait for the magic to take its effect—it will take about 15-20 seconds for any reaction. If the mouth is closed, throwing the powder up a giant's nose will suffice, but a sneezing fit might ensue (watch out for raining mucus!).

Step 5: Run! Sleeping giants are well known for their grouchy attitude after waking, flailing about like a person in need of some morning coffee. When within a safe distance, sing the tune:

Oh, Giant, do not worry.

You have only woken from a little sleep.

It was my doing, I am sorry.

You'll be back home in just a peep!

All giants (with their easily distracted minds) will automatically calm and become jolly at the sound of the song. Wave a friendly greeting, and if lucky, the giant will wave back and disappear to the mysterious realm from which they hail. If the giant doesn't immediately vanish, it means they are in a playful mood and wish to have some fun—playing with a giant could go on for hours, so be prepared.

Congratulations! You have successfully completed the process of How to Wake a Sleeping a Giant. It may take a few times to perfect the method, but in no time you will be proficient enough to wake any resting, dozing, napping, or snoozing giant.

Best of luck,

Walter, The Pixie Elf

END